1 00:00:26,875 --> 00:00:31,667 EGG! EGG! A HARDBOILED STORY 2 00:02:47,833 --> 00:02:52,375 As usual, I stood staring at Father without his noticing me. 3 00:02:54,417 --> 00:02:56,083 Good morning. 4 00:02:57,500 --> 00:03:00,208 Good morning, Father. 5 00:03:00,375 --> 00:03:01,500 What? 6 00:03:13,750 --> 00:03:15,833 -Good morning, Father. -What? 7 00:03:16,000 --> 00:03:17,083 Good morning, Father! 8 00:03:17,250 --> 00:03:21,417 You're a bloody fool. I can't hear a word you're saying. Sit down. 9 00:03:38,875 --> 00:03:45,083 ...and then we'll be together 10 00:03:45,250 --> 00:03:49,708 For ever together... 11 00:03:53,583 --> 00:03:55,042 No... 12 00:04:55,250 --> 00:04:56,500 Someone's there. 13 00:05:03,875 --> 00:05:06,458 Excuse me, may I come in? 14 00:05:16,458 --> 00:05:19,250 -What kind of goose are you? -Good morning. 15 00:05:19,417 --> 00:05:22,000 I apologise for disturbing you. 16 00:05:22,167 --> 00:05:27,542 I've been out strolling for many years. And I happen across this stately home. 17 00:05:27,708 --> 00:05:30,708 I peek in through the window, and what do I see 18 00:05:30,875 --> 00:05:37,458 but liver pâté and ham and steaming hot coffee, and cheese... 19 00:05:37,625 --> 00:05:39,792 Are you hungry? 20 00:05:39,958 --> 00:05:46,250 Very, very hungry. Damn hungry. I've not eaten since yesterday morning. 21 00:05:46,417 --> 00:05:48,333 May I have a...? 22 00:05:49,250 --> 00:05:52,167 Do you know who I am? 23 00:05:52,333 --> 00:05:56,833 Baron... Count something. 24 00:05:57,000 --> 00:05:58,625 The Grand Duke of Dalarna! 25 00:05:58,792 --> 00:06:02,875 No, you bloody oik. I am that man's son. 26 00:06:04,042 --> 00:06:08,500 That man, I see. Listen, I wouldn't be able to...? 27 00:06:08,667 --> 00:06:11,417 Let me introduce my wife. 28 00:06:11,583 --> 00:06:13,292 Greet the ruffian. 29 00:06:13,458 --> 00:06:15,000 Enchanté. 30 00:06:15,167 --> 00:06:18,250 And that thing there is my son. 31 00:06:18,417 --> 00:06:20,833 Come, let me show you around. 32 00:06:21,000 --> 00:06:23,375 This is the oval room. 33 00:06:23,542 --> 00:06:26,542 It was renovated in 1813. 34 00:06:26,708 --> 00:06:29,500 Follow me. Out of the way. 35 00:06:34,500 --> 00:06:41,375 At number four, it's still the Frittes. But not with "Your hand in mine"... 36 00:06:46,667 --> 00:06:51,292 This room is from the 17th century. Real leather wallpaper. 37 00:06:54,500 --> 00:06:56,417 Look at the ceiling. 38 00:07:01,250 --> 00:07:05,917 That's Queen Tomyris with the decapitated head of the Persian king Cyrus. 39 00:07:16,042 --> 00:07:18,500 Leave Kusse-Murre's milk alone! 40 00:07:23,792 --> 00:07:28,000 Come up here and I'll show you something. Bloody vagrant. 41 00:07:33,500 --> 00:07:36,458 Come over to this side. Step onto that. 42 00:07:40,333 --> 00:07:43,083 Everything you see on that side belongs to me. 43 00:07:43,792 --> 00:07:46,083 Because I've earned it. 44 00:07:46,250 --> 00:07:49,500 But that's not important. It's just a hobby of mine. 45 00:07:49,667 --> 00:07:51,625 A hobby? I understand. 46 00:07:51,792 --> 00:07:55,500 If you come over to the other side, I'll show you something else. 47 00:08:02,333 --> 00:08:06,542 This is my life, my life's work. Can you believe it? 48 00:08:06,708 --> 00:08:08,417 I see. 49 00:08:09,458 --> 00:08:11,167 Look. Look at this. 50 00:08:13,458 --> 00:08:15,833 See that house there? 51 00:08:16,000 --> 00:08:19,417 I was born there. Raised in a simple home, you see. 52 00:08:19,583 --> 00:08:22,375 Attended to by almost honest parents. 53 00:08:22,542 --> 00:08:25,125 My father was a hard man. A very hard man. 54 00:08:29,583 --> 00:08:34,208 That small house was his chemical factory, inherited from his father. 55 00:08:34,375 --> 00:08:40,667 He made a fortune there during World War One selling munitions grease. 56 00:08:40,833 --> 00:08:45,375 It was his own blend. Ten times better than Armol B. 57 00:08:45,542 --> 00:08:51,042 He once struck me on the neck with a steel ruler, but I loved him. 58 00:08:51,208 --> 00:08:53,708 Can you believe it? 59 00:08:53,875 --> 00:08:55,500 Follow me. 60 00:09:03,875 --> 00:09:08,250 You seem so meek and innocent compared to me. 61 00:09:08,417 --> 00:09:09,583 Give me the sandwich. 62 00:09:09,750 --> 00:09:12,458 Don't touch me, you hobo. 63 00:09:18,500 --> 00:09:21,417 -A rather nice house, don't you think? -Yes. 64 00:09:21,583 --> 00:09:25,500 I bought it for money that I earned myself. 65 00:09:25,667 --> 00:09:30,583 It's a fine and noble pad, you could say. 66 00:09:32,625 --> 00:09:35,000 Everything. All of this. 67 00:10:12,917 --> 00:10:15,333 This was my father's grand idea. 68 00:10:16,500 --> 00:10:20,125 He discovered the potential of these. 69 00:10:20,292 --> 00:10:23,250 Excuse me, let me... Leave that alone! 70 00:10:26,750 --> 00:10:30,833 If you'd like to follow me, I'll tell you. No, no, leave it alone. 71 00:10:35,000 --> 00:10:39,833 My father discovered how to mix eggs and chemicals to make Ovolite. 72 00:10:40,000 --> 00:10:41,833 Ovolite? 73 00:10:42,000 --> 00:10:46,375 He passed the secret recipe onto me before he killed himself. 74 00:10:46,542 --> 00:10:50,667 -Did Grandpa kill himself? -He sure did. 75 00:10:50,833 --> 00:10:54,083 The idiots sent him to prison for a trifling matter. 76 00:10:54,250 --> 00:10:58,208 He was in the right, they were in the wrong. 77 00:10:58,375 --> 00:11:03,333 But he was too proud. A hard man. He killed himself with a stool. 78 00:11:03,500 --> 00:11:06,542 They say it's impossible, but he did it, nonetheless. 79 00:11:13,125 --> 00:11:15,500 He was a hard man. A real... 80 00:11:15,667 --> 00:11:20,583 What in the hell are you doing, man? I deign to tell you my life story 81 00:11:20,750 --> 00:11:23,167 and you steal eggs from me! 82 00:11:23,333 --> 00:11:24,708 Get out! 83 00:11:36,125 --> 00:11:40,583 I have to go into town. The office. Might stay a few days. 84 00:11:40,750 --> 00:11:42,667 He can drive me in. 85 00:11:55,875 --> 00:11:59,042 If a thunder storm starts up, try not to soil yourself. 86 00:13:36,500 --> 00:13:39,250 -Calling chief guard! -Body search! 87 00:14:11,250 --> 00:14:14,208 -Anything to report? -No, Mr Director, sir. 88 00:14:38,583 --> 00:14:43,875 ...since your treatment of our representative left much to be desired. 89 00:14:45,750 --> 00:14:47,917 -Yes'? -The American gentleman has arrived. 90 00:14:48,083 --> 00:14:51,500 Send him in at once. Girls, shoo. 91 00:16:02,750 --> 00:16:05,250 NIXITCH FOR WHEN YOU GET THE ITCH! 92 00:16:32,833 --> 00:16:35,375 Good morning, my friends. 93 00:16:35,542 --> 00:16:37,750 Good day to you, too! 94 00:17:50,750 --> 00:17:53,875 Eggs! Eggs! Eggs! Eggs! 95 00:20:18,333 --> 00:20:19,458 Fools. 96 00:22:06,917 --> 00:22:09,500 What does a healthy bottom feel like? 97 00:22:09,667 --> 00:22:11,667 The hen knows! 98 00:22:11,833 --> 00:22:15,500 Egg - the wonderful basic ingredient of Nixitch. 99 00:22:15,667 --> 00:22:18,500 It's kind to the skin and silky smooth yet so resilient. it's Nixitch! 100 00:22:18,667 --> 00:22:20,917 Modern people don't use their fingers. 101 00:22:22,208 --> 00:22:27,250 Those times are past! Those filthy, unhygienic times. 102 00:22:28,125 --> 00:22:32,208 Thanks to Nixitch, made from genuine Ovolite. 103 00:22:32,375 --> 00:22:34,750 Antiseptic, mildly perfumed... 104 00:22:36,125 --> 00:22:39,500 The hen knows what a healthy bottom feels like! 105 00:22:39,667 --> 00:22:42,292 Nixitch is inserted in a jiffy. 106 00:22:44,625 --> 00:22:49,542 Nixitch is totally harmless and fits everyone! 107 00:22:49,708 --> 00:22:54,042 Especially, perhaps, those of you who like the odd tipple! 108 00:22:54,208 --> 00:22:57,500 How does your bottom feel the day after? 109 00:22:57,667 --> 00:23:01,250 Three sizes: Large, Medium and Small. 110 00:23:01,417 --> 00:23:04,375 -Nixitch! -Ooh, scoobidoo! 111 00:23:04,542 --> 00:23:08,417 Nixitch makes me feel confident! 112 00:23:08,583 --> 00:23:10,542 THE HEN KNOWS! 113 00:23:39,500 --> 00:23:41,500 That will do nicely. 114 00:23:56,792 --> 00:23:58,792 Bloody good year, that. 115 00:23:58,958 --> 00:24:01,000 Fill it up, man. 116 00:24:25,875 --> 00:24:27,667 Engman... 117 00:25:29,583 --> 00:25:31,250 Bed time. 118 00:26:32,708 --> 00:26:35,792 Careful with the horse, you clumsy oaf! 119 00:26:43,542 --> 00:26:44,833 Fetch! 120 00:27:00,542 --> 00:27:05,917 They're saying the air's bad owing to the sulphuric acid leaking in the tank. 121 00:27:06,083 --> 00:27:07,750 He means hydrochloric acid. 122 00:27:07,917 --> 00:27:11,708 Lungs get discoloured and people are getting gum sores. 123 00:27:11,875 --> 00:27:17,167 If a stop isn't put to this, they'll refuse to work with the sulphuric acid. 124 00:27:17,333 --> 00:27:20,167 He means hydrochloric acid. 125 00:27:20,333 --> 00:27:26,542 I know. Sealed tanks from Germany will be installed in a few months. 126 00:27:26,708 --> 00:27:30,000 -But it's now that the sulphuric... -Hydrochloric acid. 127 00:27:30,167 --> 00:27:31,583 Thank you. 128 00:27:35,292 --> 00:27:39,125 You're wrong! It is sulphuric acid! 129 00:27:45,792 --> 00:27:47,750 I think. 130 00:27:52,333 --> 00:27:57,167 Before I sanded down the spikes and painted it yellow, it was a crocodile. 131 00:28:02,250 --> 00:28:04,417 -Shall we dance? -Pardon? 132 00:28:04,583 --> 00:28:07,125 -Shall we dance? -No... 133 00:28:07,792 --> 00:28:09,375 Sorry... 134 00:28:10,750 --> 00:28:13,417 There, as promised. 135 00:28:13,583 --> 00:28:17,333 -May I have this dance? -You damn well can! 136 00:28:46,333 --> 00:28:48,542 -Oi, lout! -Yes? 137 00:28:48,708 --> 00:28:52,625 Shall we race home? What do you say? 138 00:30:00,792 --> 00:30:02,833 Good morning, my friends. 139 00:30:03,000 --> 00:30:05,333 Good day to you, too. 140 00:30:42,083 --> 00:30:44,375 Thank you. That's-- 141 00:31:09,667 --> 00:31:14,500 Aren't you lovely, sweetheart. 142 00:31:14,667 --> 00:31:18,750 Sweetie, you're so lovely. 143 00:31:24,042 --> 00:31:28,167 -Good morning. She's groomed and ready. -Thank you. 144 00:31:29,583 --> 00:31:34,500 -Are you the stable manager's daughter? -No, I just do a few extra hours here. 145 00:31:34,667 --> 00:31:38,208 -What do you usually do then? -I'm studying sociology. 146 00:31:38,375 --> 00:31:41,208 -But I like horses. -Don't you like men? 147 00:31:41,375 --> 00:31:43,375 Yes. Humans. 148 00:31:55,500 --> 00:31:58,208 -Hello! -Hello. 149 00:31:59,000 --> 00:32:00,375 There, there... 150 00:32:00,542 --> 00:32:04,750 -We tried talking to your father. -He doesn't care a toss for us. 151 00:32:04,917 --> 00:32:09,083 I'm sorry, but it's Father who decides what's what. 152 00:32:09,250 --> 00:32:12,208 But you could do something if you wanted to. 153 00:32:12,375 --> 00:32:16,375 -You don't care about us either. -On the contrary. 154 00:32:16,542 --> 00:32:20,708 I understand you. It's just that I have no authority... 155 00:32:20,875 --> 00:32:24,750 Listen. Listen. It's partly the hydrochloric acid. 156 00:32:24,917 --> 00:32:26,583 Sulphuric acid. 157 00:32:27,833 --> 00:32:30,667 But we've also started talking about the eggs. 158 00:32:30,833 --> 00:32:34,208 It feels wrong to use eggs for this thingummy. 159 00:32:34,375 --> 00:32:37,500 Eggs are to go in the mouth, not up the arse. 160 00:32:37,667 --> 00:32:40,333 I don't think the hens would agree! 161 00:32:40,500 --> 00:32:43,708 Joking aside, I understand what you mean. 162 00:32:43,875 --> 00:32:49,208 But I'm not able to do anything about what you're talking about. 163 00:32:49,375 --> 00:32:52,583 What would things be like? I support you, it's not that. 164 00:32:52,750 --> 00:32:58,083 But what would things be like if all your wishes came true? 165 00:32:58,250 --> 00:33:02,167 We're not living in the 19th century. It's an industrial society. 166 00:33:02,333 --> 00:33:07,000 You can't get away from that, and even if I'm 100 per cent on your side 167 00:33:07,167 --> 00:33:09,250 things aren't that easy. 168 00:33:09,417 --> 00:33:13,500 It's easy to say that things must be like this or that 169 00:33:13,667 --> 00:33:18,250 but it's a huge leap from that to concrete action... 170 00:33:21,250 --> 00:33:23,750 That's good. Hang on. 171 00:33:25,292 --> 00:33:27,417 Wait a second. 172 00:33:28,542 --> 00:33:30,000 THE BEST CHRISTMAS PRESENT 173 00:33:30,167 --> 00:33:33,208 -I thought something like this. -Excellent. 174 00:33:33,375 --> 00:33:35,417 Dames sell. 175 00:33:35,583 --> 00:33:37,458 No, not today! 176 00:33:46,708 --> 00:33:50,125 I didn't know it was such a rush, you didn't say. 177 00:33:50,292 --> 00:33:53,333 Go and tell him. 178 00:33:54,000 --> 00:33:57,500 Do it now. It's fair because I didn't know about it. 179 00:33:57,667 --> 00:34:01,417 I'll be as quick as I can but I have to take care of the horses first. 180 00:34:01,583 --> 00:34:05,500 Go and tell him then. Go! 181 00:34:05,667 --> 00:34:08,167 But not on the raked part! 182 00:34:25,208 --> 00:34:28,750 -Where the hell have you been? Well? -I thought... 183 00:34:28,917 --> 00:34:32,292 I don't give a damn about what you thought... 184 00:34:35,167 --> 00:34:40,750 I'm interested in marble statues. Come with me to the Copenhagen art museum. 185 00:34:40,917 --> 00:34:44,417 I don't want to. I'm not interested in statues. 186 00:34:54,333 --> 00:34:56,333 Hello there, you little thing. 187 00:34:57,000 --> 00:34:58,292 Hello. 188 00:34:59,333 --> 00:35:02,875 -Would you get my horse ready too? -I'll go and get him. 189 00:35:05,833 --> 00:35:10,333 She's a pretty one. Very pretty, in fact. 190 00:35:28,167 --> 00:35:31,792 Oh, you scared me! What do you want? 191 00:35:31,958 --> 00:35:36,750 -You shouldn't be angry. Are you? -No, I'm not. 192 00:35:36,917 --> 00:35:40,708 -But please get out now, I'm off home. -Home? 193 00:35:42,083 --> 00:35:44,125 Can you cook food there? 194 00:35:44,292 --> 00:35:49,500 I share a kitchen with some others. But I'm not inviting you for dinner. 195 00:35:49,667 --> 00:35:52,917 -In that case it should be me... -I'll cook for myself, thank you. 196 00:35:53,083 --> 00:35:55,042 Good evening. 197 00:35:55,208 --> 00:35:56,750 Look... 198 00:35:58,583 --> 00:36:05,500 -Say you're not angry. -I am not angry. I promise. 199 00:36:09,458 --> 00:36:14,625 It's for you! You can make dinner with it. Father shot it. It's yours. 200 00:37:32,833 --> 00:37:34,250 Hello. 201 00:38:04,458 --> 00:38:06,000 -Hi. -Hi. 202 00:38:08,875 --> 00:38:13,000 -Is something up? -The dynamo belt's broken. 203 00:38:16,500 --> 00:38:19,500 -Has it grated? -No, it hasn't. 204 00:38:19,667 --> 00:38:22,625 It's just totally dead. It's not firing. 205 00:38:23,417 --> 00:38:26,500 It's this dynamo... belt... 206 00:38:37,500 --> 00:38:41,625 I can tow you, if you like. I've got one of those... 207 00:38:41,792 --> 00:38:44,500 Ropes. A tow rope. 208 00:38:46,208 --> 00:38:47,542 Good. 209 00:39:36,833 --> 00:39:39,042 We can park here. 210 00:39:39,208 --> 00:39:44,042 -Fancy coming in? All I've got is tea. -I could murder a cup of tea. 211 00:39:55,875 --> 00:39:58,542 -Sugar? -No, thanks. 212 00:40:01,042 --> 00:40:05,500 It was lucky that you turned up. Thanks so much for your help. 213 00:40:05,667 --> 00:40:08,000 Damn boring book, this! 214 00:40:08,167 --> 00:40:12,333 "The real interest in hierarchies is not in the status of each profession 215 00:40:12,500 --> 00:40:15,625 but in the value judgements made of categories of profession 216 00:40:15,792 --> 00:40:20,042 such as that of skilled labourer or lower non manual worker." 217 00:40:23,917 --> 00:40:26,375 -Listen... -Yes? 218 00:40:27,417 --> 00:40:30,750 -Remember the art museum thing? -Yes... 219 00:40:31,583 --> 00:40:33,917 Let's go to Copenhagen. 220 00:40:36,333 --> 00:40:37,917 On me. 221 00:40:43,500 --> 00:40:46,708 Okay. I'll just get changed. 222 00:42:02,125 --> 00:42:03,500 Thank you. 223 00:42:03,667 --> 00:42:07,792 -What is that? -It's a smorgasbord menu. 224 00:42:07,958 --> 00:42:10,708 And you do this with it. 225 00:42:14,792 --> 00:42:16,750 You take a toothpick... 226 00:42:21,250 --> 00:42:24,208 Now let's see what we've ordered. 227 00:42:24,375 --> 00:42:28,167 We're starting with ditto with raw aeggeblomme. 228 00:42:28,333 --> 00:42:33,708 Then we're having two krebsehaler with dildmayonnaise. 229 00:42:33,875 --> 00:42:39,875 And then it's ditto with filleted oestranchiovis halvfjers 230 00:42:40,042 --> 00:42:41,917 and raw aeggeblomme. 231 00:42:42,083 --> 00:42:45,500 An Oskar Davidson Creation, some smoerrebroed 232 00:42:45,667 --> 00:42:49,250 with ekstrafint skrabet råt koed... 233 00:42:49,417 --> 00:42:52,375 I'll take anything, as long as I get a raw aeggeblomme. 234 00:42:59,917 --> 00:43:01,542 Let's drink. 235 00:43:02,583 --> 00:43:05,500 -Cheers. -Here's to raw aeggeblomme! 236 00:43:12,333 --> 00:43:16,792 -I like Denmark! Do you like Denmark? -I like Denmark. 237 00:43:16,958 --> 00:43:20,375 I mean, really nice. 238 00:43:21,333 --> 00:43:27,500 You sit by the sea... You sit by the sea, 239 00:43:27,667 --> 00:43:32,292 you have a beer, some bread, and a schnapps. 240 00:44:03,042 --> 00:44:06,375 I have to sit down. I've got a stone in my shoe. 241 00:44:11,167 --> 00:44:14,083 -I'll take that! -What do you want it for? 242 00:44:15,667 --> 00:44:20,000 I eat stones. I'm going to be a statue when I grow up. 243 00:44:22,792 --> 00:44:26,708 I wasn't joking when I invited you along here. 244 00:44:26,875 --> 00:44:33,792 I think it's a fantastic museum, not at all dusty and boring. 245 00:44:33,958 --> 00:44:35,667 It's like a church. 246 00:44:37,042 --> 00:44:42,542 I don't know why, but I feel really moved by these Roman statues. 247 00:44:42,708 --> 00:44:46,208 I came here once with my father when I was little. 248 00:44:49,083 --> 00:44:53,125 They radiate a kind of strength, a raw energy. 249 00:44:53,833 --> 00:44:59,083 It's strange, because I'm not interested in art and stuff like that. 250 00:45:00,417 --> 00:45:05,125 But the faces are compelling. They transport me, somehow. 251 00:45:06,292 --> 00:45:11,000 They probably got this energy from eating stones their whole life too. 252 00:45:11,167 --> 00:45:15,833 Father starts the day with a bowl of concrete and milk, sprinkled with sand. 253 00:45:17,750 --> 00:45:22,583 Degas. A dainty little ballerina. 254 00:45:22,750 --> 00:45:27,750 It's sweet and all, but isn't it a bit silly? 255 00:45:28,792 --> 00:45:31,083 It's not silly. 256 00:45:41,208 --> 00:45:45,375 You see, we've been in Copenhagen for a wedding. 257 00:45:45,542 --> 00:45:47,625 My wife's family's from here. 258 00:45:47,792 --> 00:45:50,417 Her father was page. Delightful, he was. 259 00:45:50,583 --> 00:45:55,667 He has webbed feet too, you know. And we'd love a little room if possible. 260 00:45:55,833 --> 00:45:59,458 -What does it say here? -What does it say? Nixitch. 261 00:45:59,625 --> 00:46:03,875 Mr and Mrs Nixitch from Minnesota, Norway. 262 00:46:05,500 --> 00:46:09,375 It's good. You can have suite number 15. 263 00:46:09,542 --> 00:46:15,583 Swede 15? That's great! We're Swedes 13 and 14! 264 00:46:24,792 --> 00:46:26,917 What a sweet little toilet! 265 00:46:44,125 --> 00:46:46,667 Let the suite little key have a swim. 266 00:47:10,667 --> 00:47:12,500 Wait a moment... 267 00:47:51,083 --> 00:47:52,708 GOODBYE AND THANKS! SEE YOU! 268 00:48:56,083 --> 00:48:59,000 Mother, how can we... 269 00:49:03,542 --> 00:49:07,917 Have you thought of the charitable deeds Father does for humanity? 270 00:49:08,083 --> 00:49:13,417 Soon, there'll be 100 million people scratching their bums with Nixitch. 271 00:49:16,167 --> 00:49:18,208 Come that day, I'll... 272 00:49:20,500 --> 00:49:22,833 ...embellish you, Mother. 273 00:49:33,375 --> 00:49:36,917 "Outside, the hens are complaining... 274 00:49:37,083 --> 00:49:39,583 in their wooden coops. 275 00:49:39,750 --> 00:49:43,208 Even though they are on Calvinist land. 276 00:49:44,083 --> 00:49:47,333 The women pace their gloomy kitchens. 277 00:49:47,917 --> 00:49:50,500 Their heavy dresses... 278 00:49:50,667 --> 00:49:54,875 drag them down, like drowning men. 279 00:49:56,667 --> 00:49:59,667 Drowning men." 280 00:50:15,292 --> 00:50:17,625 -Has Father left? -Yes. 281 00:51:34,750 --> 00:51:38,167 Ah, Mother, I have to go back to the factory. 282 00:51:41,625 --> 00:51:46,375 What in the Devil's name is that? Did Father buy you that lampshade? 283 00:51:48,750 --> 00:51:53,042 Hey, listen. Maybe you should wear it a bit further forward. 284 00:51:54,500 --> 00:51:56,125 There. 285 00:51:58,167 --> 00:52:00,375 A little further, I think. 286 00:52:01,667 --> 00:52:03,208 There. 287 00:52:03,375 --> 00:52:07,833 Well? No. Further forward. There. 288 00:52:09,500 --> 00:52:11,250 Sorry. 289 00:52:14,917 --> 00:52:17,792 Forgive me. Forgive me, Mother. 290 00:52:19,667 --> 00:52:21,375 You... 291 00:52:21,542 --> 00:52:23,542 ...don't understand. 292 00:52:23,708 --> 00:52:26,083 You don't know what it's like. 293 00:52:28,667 --> 00:52:30,708 I'm becoming the same. 294 00:52:32,125 --> 00:52:35,167 I'm becoming the same. 295 00:52:36,333 --> 00:52:37,792 Mother... 296 00:52:39,667 --> 00:52:43,375 Listen. I have to... 297 00:54:01,292 --> 00:54:02,708 Stop! 298 00:54:05,042 --> 00:54:06,875 It was the cat. 299 00:54:40,167 --> 00:54:41,792 Damn! 300 00:55:10,750 --> 00:55:12,458 Good afternoon. 301 00:55:17,583 --> 00:55:21,667 What miserable weather we've had today. 302 00:55:24,583 --> 00:55:27,792 Like I said, miserable weather. 303 00:55:29,542 --> 00:55:32,542 -Is Father alone in there? -Yes. 304 00:55:33,792 --> 00:55:35,500 Good bye. 305 00:55:54,333 --> 00:55:58,625 ...can you guess what the doctor says? No, you can't! 306 00:56:01,375 --> 00:56:04,250 The doctor says: 307 00:56:04,417 --> 00:56:06,417 "The good news 308 00:56:06,583 --> 00:56:12,625 is that the man in the next bed wants to buy your slippers!" 309 00:56:19,125 --> 00:56:21,417 That was a good one! 310 00:56:21,583 --> 00:56:24,292 Was that you bursting your sides? 311 00:56:24,458 --> 00:56:28,750 Have you heard the one about the Turkish cyclist? 312 00:56:28,917 --> 00:56:34,333 What happened was... Are you there? Hello? Hello? 313 00:57:28,250 --> 00:57:32,833 There, there... 314 00:57:42,250 --> 00:57:44,750 Mummy... 315 00:57:44,917 --> 00:57:47,000 There, there... 316 00:58:02,042 --> 00:58:04,042 There... 317 00:58:33,833 --> 00:58:35,417 You... 318 00:59:50,500 --> 00:59:53,500 I've had threats to my life before, I'll have you know. 319 01:03:33,375 --> 01:03:34,833 Help! 320 01:03:36,292 --> 01:03:37,792 Father! 321 01:03:40,042 --> 01:03:41,583 Father! 322 01:03:43,500 --> 01:03:45,292 Father! 323 01:03:47,917 --> 01:03:49,583 Father! 324 01:03:52,292 --> 01:03:54,083 Father! 325 01:03:57,125 --> 01:03:58,583 Help! 326 01:04:00,833 --> 01:04:02,500 Help! 327 01:04:04,208 --> 01:04:08,125 Father! Father! 328 01:04:56,667 --> 01:04:59,208 Help... 329 01:05:01,250 --> 01:05:05,125 I shouted so much that first morning that I ruined my voice. 330 01:05:05,292 --> 01:05:08,333 I don't know, maybe my vocal cords snapped. 331 01:05:08,500 --> 01:05:10,833 Anyway, I couldn't make a sound. 332 01:05:19,375 --> 01:05:23,000 My hands and arms became entwined with tough pondweed 333 01:05:23,167 --> 01:05:25,792 and I couldn't tear myself free. 334 01:05:25,958 --> 01:05:28,375 My feet were stuck in the mud 335 01:05:28,542 --> 01:05:31,417 and the more I kicked, the deeper! sank. 336 01:05:34,125 --> 01:05:36,875 It was a small lake, almost a mere. 337 01:05:37,042 --> 01:05:41,500 It was called Sjöreds Mosse and they used to get peat from it. 338 01:05:41,667 --> 01:05:46,917 The water was warm and clean, but marsh gas rose whenever I moved 339 01:05:47,083 --> 01:05:49,875 and it smelt terrible. 340 01:05:50,042 --> 01:05:55,417 The mere was deep in the forest and was rarely visited. 341 01:06:09,833 --> 01:06:13,917 I was buoyed up by the air in my lungs, standing upright in the water. 342 01:06:52,542 --> 01:06:55,167 Time stopped functioning. 343 01:06:55,333 --> 01:07:00,750 Days and nights came and went like the winds, or the birds on the lake. 344 01:07:00,917 --> 01:07:05,167 But the seconds stood as still as tree trunks. 345 01:07:05,333 --> 01:07:09,042 I wanted nothing more than to sink beneath the surface 346 01:07:09,208 --> 01:07:12,000 and fall asleep in death's sweet embrace. 347 01:07:12,167 --> 01:07:15,000 But as usual, I couldn't make up my mind. 348 01:07:18,083 --> 01:07:21,292 A little frog made me choose life. 349 01:07:21,458 --> 01:07:23,833 It aroused my hunting instinct. 350 01:07:56,167 --> 01:08:00,833 I spent my days procuring carbohydrates, proteins and vitamins. 351 01:08:01,000 --> 01:08:04,833 I seldom had fish, but floating insects and seeds. 352 01:08:05,000 --> 01:08:06,833 And plankton. 353 01:08:13,083 --> 01:08:16,542 I managed to snatch up some pondweed 354 01:08:16,708 --> 01:08:22,125 and chewed it into a ball, and filtered water through it like a whale. 355 01:08:54,500 --> 01:08:58,625 It might seem strange, but I'd feel happy for long stretches. 356 01:08:58,792 --> 01:09:01,125 Calm and happy. 357 01:09:01,292 --> 01:09:05,458 I felt more kinship with the plants than with the animals. 358 01:09:05,625 --> 01:09:09,208 I missed steak and a warm bed, of course 359 01:09:09,375 --> 01:09:13,083 but never my little yellow car, 300 horsepower. 360 01:09:15,000 --> 01:09:19,167 I froze a great deal and feared I might dissolve like a sugar lump. 361 01:09:19,333 --> 01:09:23,375 For my skin softened, grew pale pink and swollen. 362 01:09:23,542 --> 01:09:27,750 It napped up and bits broke off in the current. 363 01:09:27,917 --> 01:09:34,333 But the water was full of life force, and a green slime coated my body 364 01:09:34,500 --> 01:09:37,250 like the legs of a jetty. 365 01:09:37,417 --> 01:09:42,333 Seeds got caught in it and soon my suit was overgrown with algae and weeds. 366 01:09:43,583 --> 01:09:48,458 At first, the skin of my face grew pulpy and waxy. 367 01:09:48,625 --> 01:09:52,292 But after a few days this passed and it hardened. 368 01:09:58,292 --> 01:10:03,083 An eel took a shine to me, and made its home in my clothes. 369 01:10:03,250 --> 01:10:06,917 He became my friend, and defended me against other fish. 370 01:10:08,542 --> 01:10:12,375 I named him Sture, after an uncle of mine. 371 01:10:12,542 --> 01:10:14,792 He wriggles in an eel-like way. 372 01:10:35,792 --> 01:10:39,667 28 days went by before the first people turned up. 373 01:10:41,000 --> 01:10:47,167 Oh, what a charming little lake! I can't wait to have a swim in it. 374 01:10:47,333 --> 01:10:49,417 Oh, how lovely it looks! 375 01:10:50,750 --> 01:10:52,500 Matte... 376 01:11:07,792 --> 01:11:10,750 Jump in! Chicken! 377 01:11:12,125 --> 01:11:15,500 It's lovely. A bit cold, but lovely. 378 01:11:20,000 --> 01:11:22,375 Did you forget your glasses? 379 01:11:38,708 --> 01:11:43,167 Kiara, where are you? Has something happened? 380 01:11:43,333 --> 01:11:45,583 Come on, Matte, let's eat! 381 01:11:52,708 --> 01:11:57,583 We're having such a lovely time, aren't we? 382 01:11:57,750 --> 01:11:59,125 Oh, yes. 383 01:11:59,292 --> 01:12:02,042 I think it's really lovely. 384 01:12:02,208 --> 01:12:05,000 -You've burnt it. -It's nicer burnt. 385 01:12:09,500 --> 01:12:15,208 It was a lovely swim, wasn't it? A bit cold at first, but... 386 01:12:21,792 --> 01:12:26,333 So I was alone once more, with the mosquitoes and the universe. 387 01:12:29,083 --> 01:12:34,167 I now belonged to the lake, like the lilies and the foxes and the elks 388 01:12:34,333 --> 01:12:37,917 and the ducks and the fish and the dragonflies 389 01:12:38,083 --> 01:12:40,500 and the infinite cosmos above them. 390 01:12:42,000 --> 01:12:45,500 The small and the great were as one to me. 391 01:12:45,667 --> 01:12:49,125 There was a kind of justice and balance. 392 01:12:49,292 --> 01:12:52,625 My demands on life descended to the rudimentary. 393 01:12:52,792 --> 01:12:56,458 Good hunting, warm sunshine, 394 01:12:56,625 --> 01:13:00,125 mild rain, peace. 395 01:13:01,333 --> 01:13:06,583 But it was also a cruel world. A mink discovered Sture. 396 01:14:15,708 --> 01:14:21,333 One morning in October, I awoke to a drunk fisherman casting off from the deck. 397 01:14:22,250 --> 01:14:26,000 He didn't notice me, no matter how much I moved my head. 398 01:14:28,208 --> 01:14:30,000 What fish! 399 01:14:39,250 --> 01:14:41,583 What? Bloody hell, another bite! 400 01:14:46,125 --> 01:14:47,583 No! 401 01:15:57,875 --> 01:16:02,000 The days came and went, and nothing much happened. 402 01:16:05,208 --> 01:16:10,625 My coating of slime might have acted like a channel-swimmer's grease 403 01:16:10,792 --> 01:16:16,042 but it got colder and I lived on my energy reserves, like a drug addict. 404 01:16:16,208 --> 01:16:20,167 My body temperature dropped five, ten degrees below normal 405 01:16:20,333 --> 01:16:25,708 and I went into hibernation, like a hedgehog or a bear. 406 01:16:25,875 --> 01:16:29,000 My pulse got slower and slower. 407 01:16:47,208 --> 01:16:51,542 I faded away in a dreamless sleep in my watery hibernation. 408 01:16:55,500 --> 01:16:59,625 I was woken by the booming and singing of the ice around me. 409 01:16:59,792 --> 01:17:03,500 I was frozen to the spot with a thin crust of ice over my face 410 01:17:03,667 --> 01:17:08,083 and holes over my nose and mouth that my breath had kept open. 411 01:17:28,625 --> 01:17:32,208 I was ice-bound in a booming church bell 412 01:17:32,375 --> 01:17:35,500 while warm blood seeped out under the crust of ice 413 01:17:35,667 --> 01:17:39,750 and my soul flowed into a world of warm fantasies and dreams. 414 01:19:20,292 --> 01:19:24,708 I was tossed ashore by the waves like a new-born baby. 415 01:22:51,792 --> 01:22:55,458 Who... What... Who is this? 416 01:22:56,125 --> 01:23:03,125 What's happened to you... little man... How cold... You're frozen... 417 01:23:06,000 --> 01:23:08,167 I don't know what to do... 418 01:23:25,542 --> 01:23:27,542 That looks nasty. 419 01:23:36,250 --> 01:23:38,292 You'll be okay. 420 01:23:38,458 --> 01:23:42,833 I've got a feeling I've seen you before somewhere. 421 01:23:43,667 --> 01:23:46,833 Do you drink at The Grapes in town? 422 01:23:48,250 --> 01:23:51,625 But I'm almost certain... 423 01:23:53,750 --> 01:23:55,333 There... 424 01:23:56,667 --> 01:23:58,292 A little more... 425 01:24:00,833 --> 01:24:02,792 Nice, eh? Yum, yum. 426 01:24:04,000 --> 01:24:06,333 I have seen you somewhere before. 427 01:24:10,208 --> 01:24:12,083 Let me help you. 428 01:24:14,125 --> 01:24:19,875 There. They might be a bit big, but I've got some string here... 429 01:24:21,292 --> 01:24:24,042 You can use it as a belt. 430 01:24:24,208 --> 01:24:29,792 And the jacket... It's excellent quality. There. 431 01:24:31,500 --> 01:24:34,000 Like so... And then in with that arm... 432 01:24:34,167 --> 01:24:40,583 It's warm too. I bought this suit in London in 1951. 433 01:24:41,750 --> 01:24:44,667 What, you've been to London too? 434 01:24:45,750 --> 01:24:52,333 It's a fine city. So, London, eh? 435 01:24:52,500 --> 01:24:54,417 There. Very smart. 436 01:24:54,583 --> 01:24:56,542 Here, boy... Here, boy... 437 01:24:56,708 --> 01:25:01,250 Walk, walk... Stop! Stand... Good! 438 01:25:01,417 --> 01:25:05,167 You can have a drink tonight if you walk. There! 439 01:25:05,333 --> 01:25:07,125 Come to Daddy... 440 01:25:08,917 --> 01:25:12,542 You nearly made it! One more time! Come! 441 01:25:17,083 --> 01:25:20,833 Come on! Take this... It's okay, it's okay... 442 01:25:21,917 --> 01:25:24,750 There! Let's go dancing! 443 01:25:27,917 --> 01:25:31,542 Up again! Come on! 444 01:25:34,542 --> 01:25:38,833 It's possible to talk with damaged or infected vocal cords 445 01:25:39,000 --> 01:25:44,333 if you take it slowly. Let the airflow evenly and gently. 446 01:25:44,500 --> 01:25:48,875 You must try to speak. Say something. Say, for example: 447 01:25:49,042 --> 01:25:51,750 "Fun guy". Let me hear you. 448 01:25:56,500 --> 01:25:59,583 Sorry for laughing. 449 01:25:59,750 --> 01:26:02,250 You can speak. Let's be serious. 450 01:26:02,417 --> 01:26:07,708 Say something simple. "Mum" or something. "Mummy, mummy." 451 01:26:07,875 --> 01:26:10,833 Come on, try. You have to... 452 01:26:13,333 --> 01:26:18,667 ...help me out, here. Look, don't get... Let's forget it. 453 01:26:18,833 --> 01:26:23,458 You don't need to talk so much. You can point too. 454 01:26:23,625 --> 01:26:28,750 There's lots of people who just point, and then get what they want. 455 01:26:28,917 --> 01:26:31,292 Have you got the matches? 456 01:26:35,833 --> 01:26:40,208 How the hell did you eat, when you were there for so long? 457 01:26:40,375 --> 01:26:44,250 How did you get your food for the day? Fish? 458 01:26:46,625 --> 01:26:50,292 Yes, yes, but you couldn't have eaten fish every day. 459 01:26:50,458 --> 01:26:53,042 I mean, how did you get your daily bread, so to speak? 460 01:26:55,583 --> 01:26:56,875 Grass? 461 01:26:59,125 --> 01:27:01,708 Ah, you filtered through it... 462 01:27:05,417 --> 01:27:07,833 It's a fantastic story. 463 01:27:08,000 --> 01:27:14,292 Wasn't there ever... Didn't any people come by, or animals? 464 01:27:17,500 --> 01:27:23,167 A bird? An eagle? An eagle! 465 01:27:23,333 --> 01:27:25,500 That took you up... pecked you... 466 01:27:30,125 --> 01:27:32,542 Oh! Right on top of you? 467 01:27:32,708 --> 01:27:36,833 You went under? Take a drop, you might need it. 468 01:27:37,000 --> 01:27:38,833 It's fantastic. 469 01:28:04,167 --> 01:28:05,500 Any good? 470 01:28:10,000 --> 01:28:13,750 I think I recognise you. I know who you are. 471 01:28:15,417 --> 01:28:19,000 Now it's me who seems meek and innocent compared to you. 472 01:28:19,792 --> 01:28:24,250 Relax, it's alright. Relax. 473 01:28:24,417 --> 01:28:30,458 They're just shooting in town. All the riots and fighting... 474 01:28:31,667 --> 01:28:38,333 Time's passed quite quickly since you left. 475 01:28:38,500 --> 01:28:41,333 For as long as you've been away. 476 01:28:41,500 --> 01:28:46,333 Things are so different now. People don't have enough to eat. 477 01:28:46,500 --> 01:28:48,917 There's no food. No eggs, for example. 478 01:28:49,083 --> 01:28:54,792 The hens have fainted or died or escaped, I don't know. 479 01:28:54,958 --> 01:28:57,917 People are troubled. 480 01:29:00,292 --> 01:29:03,042 Nothing's the same now. 481 01:29:03,208 --> 01:29:06,458 But go ahead and eat, it'll be okay. 482 01:29:06,625 --> 01:29:08,500 Eat, you need to eat. 483 01:29:13,208 --> 01:29:17,208 Oh, yes... I know who you are... 484 01:29:21,458 --> 01:29:24,417 Is the length alright? Have a look. 485 01:29:26,500 --> 01:29:29,208 Can't I take a bit off the hair too? 486 01:29:29,375 --> 01:29:31,917 You're such a coquette! 487 01:29:32,083 --> 01:29:35,833 Oh, well... I don't know how good this is... 488 01:29:37,583 --> 01:29:44,583 I think that looks good. Have a look. A little more up here... There. 489 01:29:45,833 --> 01:29:49,708 A little more there... But shouldn't we...? 490 01:29:49,875 --> 01:29:53,208 Okay, okay! Shall we eat? 491 01:30:47,208 --> 01:30:50,083 CLOSING DOWN 492 01:31:07,083 --> 01:31:09,417 Can I have a cigarette? 493 01:32:20,375 --> 01:32:21,792 Halt! 494 01:32:24,542 --> 01:32:27,292 Stop! Stop! Don't shoot! 495 01:32:40,542 --> 01:32:45,500 What? I'm alright. What a reception you get here! 496 01:32:45,667 --> 01:32:48,250 Go on in, it's nothing. 497 01:32:49,458 --> 01:32:54,458 Hi, boys. I'll survive. Get out of here! 498 01:33:00,458 --> 01:33:04,208 I'll be alright, go on, get out of here! Go and say hello to them. 499 01:33:27,625 --> 01:33:32,167 What the...? Where have you sprung from? 500 01:33:36,625 --> 01:33:38,333 My son. 501 01:33:41,083 --> 01:33:45,583 My son. You've returned to the real world. 502 01:33:45,750 --> 01:33:51,458 Behold the ruins of the reality I tried to build for me. And you, of course. 503 01:33:51,625 --> 01:33:54,458 And others, naturally. 504 01:33:54,625 --> 01:33:58,292 My life's work has been destroyed, and I'm... 505 01:34:01,250 --> 01:34:03,458 ...ruined. 506 01:34:03,625 --> 01:34:09,458 Everything I've fought for is dead. The hens have gone, the eggs have run out. 507 01:34:09,625 --> 01:34:12,125 My dream, my creation. 508 01:34:13,125 --> 01:34:17,417 This gadget, Nixitch, comes in three sizes: Large, Medium and Small. 509 01:34:17,583 --> 01:34:20,875 It's now just a memory for a handful of idealists... 510 01:34:21,042 --> 01:34:24,250 who refused to let the enemies of civilisation 511 01:34:24,417 --> 01:34:28,250 force them to scratch their arses with their fingers! 512 01:34:28,417 --> 01:34:32,833 Okay, there are problems with food and all that, 513 01:34:33,000 --> 01:34:38,042 but what the hell can I do about it? At least I've had a vision. Haven't I? 514 01:34:39,417 --> 01:34:42,542 Haven't I? 515 01:34:57,250 --> 01:35:00,292 Ovolite, the material that's kind to the skin. 516 01:35:00,458 --> 01:35:02,917 I could start making prosthetics... 517 01:36:06,000 --> 01:36:10,875 I don't care if he has a cellar full of preserved eggs! Let's storm the house! 518 01:36:11,042 --> 01:36:13,583 -Are you with me? -Yes! 519 01:36:15,542 --> 01:36:17,708 Here comes the son! 520 01:38:47,500 --> 01:38:50,167 -Eggs! -Eggs! Eggs! 521 01:39:00,000 --> 01:39:03,583 And you with the gun, go and guard the far entrance. 522 01:39:53,833 --> 01:39:56,458 What the hell is this? 523 01:40:24,000 --> 01:40:27,375 Listen, you must listen to me! Listen to me! 524 01:40:28,375 --> 01:40:34,833 You can get by. You must believe me. You can. You can. 525 01:40:38,750 --> 01:40:41,917 Don't you see? 526 01:40:42,083 --> 01:40:46,792 We must reclaim the earth. We must. 527 01:40:46,958 --> 01:40:50,125 Everything seems so hopelessly destroyed. 528 01:40:50,292 --> 01:40:55,750 But we must be reborn. We must reclaim the earth. 529 01:40:55,917 --> 01:40:58,625 And so we mustn't be choosy. 530 01:41:54,792 --> 01:41:56,625 Have a taste. 531 01:41:59,250 --> 01:42:01,875 It tastes like shit but you can eat it. 532 01:42:02,042 --> 01:42:06,000 Yeah... you can. Guys! You can eat it! 533 01:42:06,167 --> 01:42:07,042 Guys! 534 01:42:07,208 --> 01:42:09,500 It tastes like shit but you can eat it 535 01:42:10,833 --> 01:42:13,375 It tastes like shit but you can eat it 536 01:42:13,917 --> 01:42:16,917 You can eat it It tastes like shit but you can eat it 537 01:42:17,083 --> 01:42:21,000 You can eat it, you can eat it It tastes like shit but you can eat it 538 01:42:21,167 --> 01:42:23,875 You can eat it, you can eat it 539 01:42:24,042 --> 01:42:27,583 You can eat it! You can eat it! 540 01:45:01,500 --> 01:45:07,375 BYE!